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The Day Mrs. Butterworth Got Her Heart Broken


The Day Mrs. Butterworth Got Her Heart Broken I can't afford a dog so I have Mrs. Butterworth stand guard at my door instead. She sits on my kitchen counter & gazes out the window all day long. Medium-sized, with ten inches of brown glass & a bottom five inches wide, the neighbors often gossip about her behind. There is a yellow, metal twisting cap of a hat & a bow around her neck that matches the apron tied around her shapely waist. Maybe that's how she got the attention of Mr. Square Cop from Foremost Dairy of Lemoore. Men are suckers for women with small frames. I heard that one day Mr. Dairy Man ceased to think that she was thin enough anymore & left. He used the lame excuse that they weren't of the same origin: he, a milk bottle, could never have a real future with her, a syrup bottle. They didn't share the same religion, they supported rival parties, they would end up with yellow, misshapen baby bottles for Christ's sake! How would he ever be able to explain THAT to the sergeant? Those were all lies, of course. Turns out, he traded her in for another Mrs. B., the size small hussy down the street for families who don't need so much sugar.

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My boyfriend's grandfather collects milk bottles and all sorts of antique bottles. This poem was inspired by two bottles that he gave me (as you can probably guess): a Mrs. Butterworth syrup bottle and a special edition milk bottle called "Mr. Square Cop" (the bottle even LOOKS like a policeman).


1/7/2010 4:31 PM Premium
Good work! We hope to see some more media from you!

8/7/2009 5:40 PM
OMG...You had me laughing my AZZ OFF while I read this :D!!! This is a top seller girl!!! I LOVE IT :)!!! You know...if you added a bit more, you could probably turn it into a short illustrated story book...like a comedy book!!! FAMED! :)



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Votes: 4
Views: 1,077
Date: 7/29/09
Other: Writing