LaShandarella (Whole Story)

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TThhaannkk yyoouu.. 1 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 1819 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 LLaaSShhaannddaarreellllaa bbyy KKaarroollyynn NNiiccoollee HHuunntteerr LaShandarella Needs a FellaLaShandarella Needs a Fella A Man to Call Her Own She also needs a car with speed to whiz her straight back home. I don't know what this poem means but I know one thing is true. If you slang a boomerang, it'll come straight back at you2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 . Once upon a time, there lived a girl named LaShandarella. And it was a very painful time, for it was the time that every of-age female must go through every month. Not only did her head hurt, but her tail hurt, too. And she had pains in her lower back, and her lower front wasnt feeling very good either. The heating pad was plugged into the wall, and LaShandarella was lying on top of it, belly-facedown; already she had taken four potion tablets for the pain, but they didnt seem to be doing much. She would have taken a fifth if there wasnt the possibility that doing so might cause a unicorn horn to sprout from her forehead (this is one of the side effects that may occur if more than five potion tablets are taken within a six-hour-period). A sharp stream of pain ripped through her loins like a pair of dragon claws, causing LaShandarella to scrunch up. Why dont you just turn up the heating pad, said her Fairy Godmother after she had materialized at the foot of the bed, shaking about a tankards worth of glitter from her hair. Im scared it might burn my skin, LaShandarella groaned. Her Fairy Godmother, Naomi, snapped her fingers so that a small glass medicine bottle appeared in the palm of her hand. The bottle was filled with a clear, slightly shimmery liquid. Unicorn saliva, said Naomi. Collected from a White Unicorn. Contains a natural analgesic, which will numb all of the feeling out of your nerves. That way you can turn that thing up as high as itll go and not feel a thing. LaShandarella hauled herself up as far as she could. Doing this wasnt easy. Naomi had to make the bottle float over to her so that she wouldnt have to reach for it. If this stuff numbs me, said LaShandarella, then I wont need to use the heating pad. When Naomi shook her head, she sent glitter showering in every direction. The way youre hurting, you might want to use both, she suggested. On the heating pad was a temperature control monitor made to look like a green dragon exhaling a jagged stream of fire. Already the dial had been turned past both the blue and yellow lights, so that the dragons stream was up to its orange point. LaShandarella turned the dial the rest of the way, filling in the red light at the end of the fire-stream. Prince Char Ming is throwing a ball next month, Naomi primly announced. I want to go, but Ill need to shop for something to wear, so I dont have to step out in rags. Feeling better due in part to the unicorn saliva she had rubbed into her belly, LaShandarella sat up and took in the star-like ensemble her fairy godmother was wearing. A long tube dress made entirely of glittering silver mermaid scales, and stiletto slippers that were no doubt made of enchanted crystal, judging by the haze-like aura that rose up from Naomis feet like shimmer dust. If you go to Prince Charless Ball, then the only rag youll be showing up with is that Rumplestiltskin,said LaShandarella, sitting up and propping the heating pad against her belly. Rumplestiltskin and I are just friends, Naomi insisted. Im just trying to offer the guy some comfort. I dont see how you can even be with a guy like that. He tried to take that white girls baby. Naomi shrugged. She promised to give him whatever he wanted if he did the job for her. They had a deal. And he did her a really big favor by spinning all that dadgum straw into gold. I guess so, said LaShandarella. She was no longer cramping, but her head was still hurting a little. She stuck the tip of her finger into the bottle, then rubbed the little dab of the unicorn saliva into her forehead. What are you doing? Asked her fairy godmother. My head still hurts, she said. And then she smiled. My cramps feel better though. I mean I cant even feel them. She got up to unplug the heating pad just as Naomi was snapping her fingers again. This time, in the palm of her hand there appeared a clear, crystal-cut decanter about twelve inches in height. When LaShandarella turned away from the wall, the heating pad tucked under her arm, she caught sight of something shadowy-looking moving around inside the decanter. Either some of your fairy dust has gotten in my brain, or theres something very a inside that bottle, she said. This something was two dark, mobile shapes that appeared blurry because of the thick, multi-cut glass of the decanter. Its a genie bottle, Naomi proudly announced. And that something you see walking around on the inside is a genie. This, sweet goddaughter of mine, is your twenty-fifth birthday present from me. Having made this grand announcement, Naomi extended the decanter in LaShandarellas direction. My birthday isnt for another two weeks, said LaShandarella. Naomi shrugged. So its an early present, she said, her face brightened by a huge grin. Go ahead. Open it. The bottle was stopped up with a large, glassy gem. On the inside of the gem was something that glowed as white as a star. I thought you said you were going to get me one of those geese that lay the golden eggs? Naomi frowned at hearing this. I cant believe you! She exclaimed. Big twenty-five-year-old spoiled rotten as a dragon turd! LaShandarella gave an apologetic shrug, then grabbed the gem inside her fist and pulled at it firmly. It came off with a . When LaShandarella peered down inside the decanter, she saw a little man with a breakfast tea complexion and wavy, black hair. He was dressed in the darkest-colored velvet, and was sitting on a sprawling sofa smoking a negralieh and admiring his fingernails. Who is he? Asked LaShandarella. She coughed when Naomi sent another round of fairy dust swirling into the air. Hes a genie, said Naomi, as if though she hadnt already said this. His name is Three. Three, repeated LaShandarella in a mist-laden voice. So hes called Three because he gives you three wishes. No. Hes called Three because he gives you seven wishes with a down payment of quarter pieces of gold. But dont worry about that. I already gave him his down payment. So how do I get him to come out? Asked LaShandarella. Like this, said Naomi. She grabbed the decanter away from her goddaughter, put her mouth against the top of it, and called down to the genie in a loud voice. Now to the two women standing on the outside, the voice sounded quite muffled. But to the genie on the inside, the voice sounded as loud as the voice of a giant. Naomi to Three! Naomi to Three! We need you to come out now! Over! Everything inside the decanter went sliding and falling and crashing and clattering. Three ducked and cowered and even tried to run as humungous drops of spit came flying in his direction. For the love of Allah! He hollered up at Naomi. By this time, he was spread out on his luxurious Persian carpet with a lacy brassiere hanging down over his face. He snatched it off and flung it across the room. What are you trying to do! Drown me or burst my ear drums! Im sorry, Naomi shrugged. I was just trying to get you to come out so LaShandarella can get started on her wishes. Three got up from the floor very quickly and began straightening the ascot he wore around his neck. Theres more than one way to do that, you know, he said. Actually, there are three ways. He added, superciliously, Where do you think the name comes from? Naomi looked confused. I thought you told me you were called Three because a person has to make a down payment of quarter pieces of gold Which reminds me, interrupted Three in a cool and airy sort of way. The next payment is due within the next seven days. LaShandarella makes a wish before then, contested Naomi. You never know. She may want to spend the next seven days trying to decide what she wants to wish for. Three decided to ignore this, but he understood very well the terms of his contract. I am called Three for a very special reason, he said. And the reason is that there are ways to get me out of this bottle. The first way is by me. Of course . . . Three stopped here to extract something from the inside of his jacket. What he pulled out was teeny mobile phone. I prefer a more means of contact, as well as a less destructive one. Three flicked his eyes up at Naomi who along with LaShandarella was staring down into the bottle. Another way the second way is simply by turning the bottle upside down. Once they realized that he had stopped speaking for their benefit, LaShandarella and her fairy godmother spent some time looking at each other, all the while raising their eyebrows and shrugging their shoulders in turn. And then, after coming to a rather silent but a very solid agreement, the ladies got started on the task of getting Three out of the decanter. Slowly and carefully, LaShandarella turned it upside down while Naomi held out her cupped hands so that the genie would fall safely inside them. went the sound of Threes body as he came sliding out of the decanters very narrow opening. At the end of the though, his head got stuck, so that everything from the neck down was left hanging out of the decanter like something very long and sticky. Arrgh! Gurgled the genie, for the rim of the decanter was squeezing his neck. You okay? Asked LaShandarella. She and Naomi were both worried that they had hurt the little man. Whats going on! Shouted Three, his voice muffled but very clear. He kept kicking his legs around, hoping that this would loosen his head. Unfortunately, this did nothing but give him a very sore chin, which would bump sharply against the glass each time he took a kick. It seems youve gotten stuck! Naomi shouted in at him. You need us to pull you out! No! Yelled Three. What I is for LaShandarella to wish me out of here! You wish me out of here LaShandarella, and Ill give you the wish back as soon as Im free! Just make sure I dont fall on anything ! ! That was the sound of Threes head being squeezed through the bottles narrow opening. As soon as all of his body was free, his legs flew right up over his head, and kept going until he had turned one whole time, a near-perfect back flip that would have been completely perfect if his elbow had missed the rim of the decanter. OW! My funny bone! He hollered terribly as he continued his tumultuous descent towards the floor. When he landed, a horrible sound was produced, a sound much like that of a ripe squash when it rolls off of the counter top, lands on the floor, and ends up with a big chunk of it missing. Well. I guess that wasnt hard, that floor, Three whimpered. He was now a flattened, disheveled mess, and he felt that if he was too get up too quickly, he might end up leaving pieces of himself behind on the floor. LaShandarella fell quickly to her knees. She saw that Three had a lovely beauty mark beneath the corner of his left eye, and eyelashes that went on forever. Im sorry Three, she said. Without so much as a grunt or at least without more than a grunt or two the genie got himself up and, pulling at his ascot so that it straightened, he said, Thats okay. I may not be tall, but I am tough. LaShandarella smiled. How tall are you? She asked the genie. Three returned the smile. You mean how am I? He said. And then he told her, Im exactly three inches in height. Still standing, Naomi put her hands on her hips and pressed her cherry-colored lips into a smirk. Dont tell me thats why they call you Three? She said. Three simply smirked back at her and said, Okay. I wont. Can we get started on my wishes now? Asked LaShandarella. We sure can, said Three. First, Ill need to give you back the wish you used to wish me out of the bottle. Now in order to do that, youll have to wish for me to wish it back. Three caught a glimpse of Naomi when she rolled her eyes, but decided not to say anything. LaShandarella saw her too. Shrugging, she asked her fairy godmother, Well what am I supposed to do? If you like, Three interrupted before Naomi could answer, I can give you the wish you used to wish me out of the bottle later on, and you can just use one of the wishes you havent wished yet. How many of them do I have? Asked LaShandarella, who had, for some reason, grown slightly confused. Six, answered Three. After a moments silent contemplation, LaShandarella smiled with both rows of her teeth then exclaimed, Okay. Ill use one. Great, said Three. What would you like to wish for? Still grinning with every tooth she owned, LaShandarella opened her mouth and began to speak. I . . . And then she stopped. What she want to wish for? What else was there to want that she didnt already have? A new carriage mobile in which to get around? A new castle apartment, built with all of the latest in technological devices? LaShandarella considered these two things for a moment before deciding that either of them would be a waste of wishing and time. The carriage mobile she owned had been in her family for years, but it still moved well, and it had four sturdy oak wheels that were practically brand new. Her horses were getting up in age, but they were still as strong as ever, and they moved like young stallions. Now the castle apartment complex in which she lived was a damp, old place with whispering walls and leaky ceilings. But the walls only whispered out of boredom (The thing is, standing in the same place day after day can get pretty humdrum after a couple of hundred years) and the ceiling only leaked because it was made of water. You want an eye, said Three in a befuddled sort of way. But you already have . No-no-no Im still thinking, said LaShandarella. And she thought and thought and thought until finally . . . . . . it came to her. Down in the parlor, secured to the velvet-covered wall, was an enchanted mirror. And in this mirror lived a woman who used to be a sideshow magician. One evening not long ago while performing in front of an audience of more than twelve thousand people, the lady magician, whose name was Prunella, removed a small pane of glass from the inside of her cloak, stretched it out until it was four feet long and four feet wide, and then, with the help of her assistants, placed it carefully on the ground, mirror side up. She then proceeded to step inside of the mirror, very slowly, one foot at a time. And then, once her feet were inside, the lady magician began to descend, moving as if she were going down a set of stairs, until there was nothing left of her to see. While an excited collection of noises was rising up from the audience, the two assistants approached the mirror and picked it up so that everyone could look at it. On the inside of it was Prunella who, when she appeared shouted, Taa-daa! Immediately there came a great rush of applause, during which the assistants were carefully securing the mirror to a makeshift wall that had been set up on stage. And now, announced Prunella in a sonorous voice. I will emerge. And I will do this by taking several steps back, and then running towards the audience. When I have returned to this point, I will jump through the mirror and then wah-lah! I will once again be out there onstage! The audience applauded, a great, rushing applause that rose up like a storm. It soon became quiet again as the magician was backing slowly away. After about fifty paces, Prunella stopped and waited tensely for the right moment in which to proceed. About a minute passed, and then she was sprinting towards the audience. She had been working on this trick since she was a little girl, and finally, after years spent dreaming and planning, testing and experimenting, she was going to become the first person to walk inside of a mirror, and to walk out again. Only she didnt succeed. Not completely. For as she reached the point of penetration, Prunella slammed into that glass so hard, later on she swore she heard her eyelashes break. She waited a moment or two, trying to give the pain time enough to leave. And then, hearing the voices of her assistants calling to her frantically, she stumbled up and began patting against the inside of the mirror with her hands. I cant get out, she realized. And then she began to beat against the glass with her fists. But it was no use. Prunella, Lady Magician, was stuck inside the mirror. That mirror hanging in the downstairs parlor was Prunella. That mirror was also LaShandarellas aunty. The day before Naomi showed up with the genie bottle (and the unicorn spit), LaShandarella had visited her Aunty Prunella in the parlor to bring her tea and to ask her the question that she asked of her aunty every Friday evening when she got off work. Mirror, mirror, hanging above me? Is there any man anywhere who will someday love me? Now Aunty Prunella had been in an increasingly grouchy mood ever since shad had gotten herself stuck inside the mirror. She shouted, Why are you always asking me that? Ive been pent up inside this mirror for the past six months, and its not like I get out much. And you never take me anywhere! LaShandarella, said Three in a voice sprinkled with impatience. What is it that youd like to wish for first? My aunty, said LaShandarella, her mind swinging back to the present. I want you to wish my aunty out of that mirror! Where is your aunty? Asked Three. Shes downstairs. In the parlor. I want you to wish her out of there! Where do you want me to wish her ? In here! Anywhere! Just get her out of that mirror! After a moment, Three shrugged and said, Its done. Aunty Prunella ended up inside of her nieces handbag. Of course, neither of the two ladies standing in the room knew this until they caught the sound of a very muffled and very miffed voice coming from the direction of the vanity table. LaShandarella hurried over to the vanity table with Naomi following quickly behind. Calm down, its just your aunty, said Three. I put her inside that handbag like you wanted. The bag was a large, pouch-shaped number encrusted with every kind of God-made jewel on earth. When LaShandarella snapped it open, her auntys voice grew louder and clearer. Whats going on! Prunella screeched. I cant see a ! LaShandarella stuck her face down into the bag and hollered, Aunty Prunie! Where are you! I dont know where I am because I cant where I am! Hollered Prunella. Is it dark? Asked her niece. Prunella sighed. No its not dark; I just got my eyes closed. Of course its dark! If you have a mirror in your purse, shes probably in there, said Three. Maybe shes in your make-up compact, Naomi suggested. The make-up compact was a shimmery lavender thingie with a single white rose diamond embedded in its center. LaShandarella removed it from her bag and popped it open. Sure enough, her Aunty Prunella was inside the mirror, her head and neck being the only visible parts of her body. Whats with this? Whyd you stick me in this little thing? She asked, her voice bearing a much calmer tone than before. I believe Three made a mistake, said LaShandarella. She was about to open her mouth to say more, but her aunty started up talking again. Three? Whos Three? My genie? Your ? Yes. The one Fairy Godmother Naomi got me for my twenty-fifth birthday. But your birthday isnt for another two weeks. I know. He was an early present. He? My genie. Three. . Thats a very name. Its not so peculiar, said Three. All of my brothers and sisters are named after numbers. It was my dads idea. He made a mistake, said LaShandarella. Who? My dad? No, y. Uhhh . . . that would be my dad, said Three. He and his sisters and brothers were named after . No Three not U, said LaShandarella. . You, Three, made a mistake when you stuck my aunty inside this mirror. No I didnt. You were pointing at that handbag when you said in here. I put her where I thought you wanted her to be. Well, I didnt want her in here. So youll just have to get her out. I cant, said Three after doing a bit of shrugging. Why not? Asked Naomi. Three turned to face her brightly-jeweled toe nails. Because I just cant, he said. There are certain reasons why you were able to get me for seventy-five percent off. Actually there are reasons, and one of those is that I cant re-do or un-do a spell once its been done. Look its okay, said Aunty Prunella, her manner having grown softer. I was dreaming of a new place anyway. This is a lot smaller than what I had in mind, but at least it is . Three away from his spot on the floor, and himself up onto the vanity table. Each time he did this, it made a flatulating sound. You been eating cabbage? Prunella asked her niece. Uhh, that was me, Three reluctantly admitted. That happens whenever I poof from one place to another. Looking embarrassed, he added, Its one of the reasons I was seventy-five percent off. What causes it? Asked Naomi. Three shrugged. It was a factory glitch. When I was being manufactured, the person responsible for giving me my poofing sound mistook the word poof for the word poot. I see, said LaShandarella. You want me to wish the sound away for you? Three smiled, gratefully, but said, I appreciate it. But I dont have the power to undo any of my own qualities. I see, said LaShandarella once more. There really was nothing else to say. Whats the other reason? Why you were seventy-five percent off? Three didnt speak right away. It seemed he was trying to decide whether or not he should even answer this question. Because I dont have my paper, he said, finally. What paper? asked Naomi. My guarantee. Why dont you have it? Asked LaShandarella Like a magic sorting glass, Threes face shifted from one color to another. Because, he said. I ate it. Well whyd you do that? LaShandarella exclaimed. Because. I thought it was a cookie. Naomi stayed for a few moments longer just enough time to have a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit and then vanished off somewhere to have dinner with her just a friend Rumplestiltskin. The fairy dust continued to swirl around in the air a full five minutes after she was gone. Would you like another sugar wafer? Asked LaShandarella. She was talking to Three, who was sitting on a small pin cushion that she had placed on the table for him. Using her origami-making skills, LaShandarella had folded together a teeny tiny drinking cup, and had filled it with sweet, black tea from the end of a teaspoon. Yes I would; thank you, said Three. LaShandarella pinched off a crumb from the edge of her sugar wafer and handed it to Three, who took it , dipped it into his cup, and bit a piece from it. You mind if I have another drink? Asked Aunty Prunella, who was sitting on the table with her compact open. Sure; not at all, said LaShandarella. She tipped the make-up compact back, then poured some tea onto the glass. Aunty Prunella slurped up the steaming brown puddle until it disappeared. Aaaahhh, she exhaled, noisily. So what about that second wish? Three asked LaShandarella. She shrugged a little as she was spreading cream cheese onto a sugar wafer, then said, I dont know. I was thinking about a vacation. Ive never taken one of my own and I havent been anywhere really special since I was a kid. Maybe youd like to visit the City of Iz, said Three. LaShandarella bit into the wafer she had laden with cream cheese. Wheres that? She asked her genie. Three let his mouth hang open for a while before he replied, Well uh . . . I cant really say it is. You just sort of follow the jello brick road. The brick road? Said LaShandarella dubiously. Yes. Its a road made entirely of bricks of jello, Three explained. What kind of jello? Asked LaShandarella. Well. Its yellow. So Im guessing its lemon. Or possibly banana. I hate jello, said Aunty Prunella. Yeah I know; Im more of a pudding guy myself, said Three. What is it like there? Asked LaShandarella. Is it a nice place? Is it an place? As a matter of fact, it enchanted. The green witch put a spell on it years ago. Made it so everything turned um . . . blue I think? Or was it yellow? Well, I cant remember. But I know everything in the City of Iz is all the same color. Sounds boring, said LaShandarella, her nose wrinkled up like an old sausage. Well it isnt, said Three. There are beaches and amusement parks, and games and toys, and prizes for little girls and boys! When Three talked, his big, beautiful eyes glittered like Christmas cookies, and his smile grew and grew until every tooth in his mouth was visible. You seem very excited about this place, said Aunty Prunella. Hey youd be excited too, Three strongly declared, if youd seen all the great things there are to see in the City of . You mean all the enormous piles of dragon dung? And those stupid talking trees? Hey Ill have you to know that dragon dung is a very precious commodity in certain parts of the world, countered Three. My Auntie Sixteen uses it to make her beauty masks, and my Auntie Five uses it to keep down her roach problem. And those talking trees dont just talk. They sing and dance too. What kind of singing and dancing? Asked LaShandarella. Oh, a little of everything, said Three. Only theyre trees, so the dancing is a little different. Instead of tap dancing, they do dancing. Instead of country line dancing, they do country dancing. And the singing? Asked LaShandarella. Oh the singing of the trees is as sweet as the apples they produce, Three gleefully exclaimed. Of course most of the apples are sour, but so what? Most trees cant sing. I think Id like to go, sighed LaShandarella blissfully. Like I said, Id really love a vacation, and I think I could get something really big out of the experience. Like having a tree teach you how to sap dance? Asked Aunty Prunella in a very sarcastic way. Actually I was thinking about getting a big chunk of that dragon dung to put behind my fridge, LaShandarella explained. My roach problem is not as big as my man problem but . . .its close. Hey, thats one more reason to travel to Iz, said Three. You just may find the man of your dreams in that city. And if not, then at least you got to see some really good entertainment. To show how excited she was, LaShandarella got up from the table, dashed over to the refrigerator, took from one of the crispers two big, lush, green-and-white cabbages, situated them on top of her head so that they hung down like leaves, and did her own version of the sap dance. The pink, decorative glass pig setting on the counter lifted its head up and eyed LaShandarella curiously as she held her opened hands out to it and jigged away from it backwards. At this point, some drums began to play, followed by a loud symphony. Stunned, Three and Aunty Prunella looked around, trying to figure out where the music was coming from. You hear that? Asked Aunty Prunella, after which her niece took three consecutive leaps into the air. As LaShandarella was stomping around in a circle, three raisin-sized roaches came out from behind her refrigerator. They lined up in a row and began to sing in incredibly high-pitched voices, making a sound similar to that of a music taped being sped up. LaShandarella ended her dance by stomping the three roaches as soon as their song was finished. At first, nobody said anything. And then, without a word, Three stood up and began clapping, slowly at first, and then more vigorously. With tears in its eyes, the pink pig also stood up and clapped. And, one drove after another, the roaches, who had been watching LaShandarella from the holes and cracks in the walls, came out and added magnificently to the applause. Looking all around at the infestation blackening her counter tops and floor, LaShandarella turned her nose up and grimaced. I guess this means you want to go to Iz, Three called out over the applause. Trying to catch her breath, LaShandarella nodded her head. Okay, said Three. Its done. It was as if LaShandarella had a string of Christmas blinkers going on and off in her refrigerator, for from it came a succession of flashing lights. The thick gathering of roaches oohed, aahed, and wowed at a sight that must have been especially enchanting from their points of view. Go ahead, said Three. Open it. LaShandarella was still on the floor, situated in her dance number position. Slowly she got up, and walked over as if though she was entranced. Went the roaches that werent fast enough or attentive enough to move out of the way. LaShandarella took a hold of the door handle and opened the refrigerator so that the light filled the room very slowly, like the gradual light of sunrise. And as the door opened, her eyes grew and grew, until at last she was standing in front of a portal that looked almost as brilliant and as golden as the sun. And when her eyes had adjusted to this, she saw that the flashing lights were not lights at all, but brightly-colored jewels that sparkled from within shallow bodies of water. And running in between two of these bodies of water was a road yellow and as translucent as jello. In fact, it jello! And LaShandarella was certain that it was banana-flavored, for she could just detect the scent of banana in the breezy air. So this is Iz, she said, wondrously. No, this is the jello brick road, said Three, who was walking up behind her, squishing roaches as he approached. Way down there is Iz. LaShandarella lifted her eyes and looked straight ahead into the horizon. What she saw was a gathering of skyscrapers that glittered in the sun like erected panes of emerald glass. Thats why I got confused, said Three in a breathy sort of way. Everything in the City of Iz isnt blue yellow. Its both. The colors sort of blend together to green. What is this place? Asked LaShandarella. The place with all the colors? Oh this? This here is Oo-drop valley. Its where all of the OO-drops live. OO-drops? What are OO-drops? Are they like elves? No. Theyre nothing like elves at all. More like plush toys. Only theyre a whole lot bigger. LaShandarella looked confused for a moment and then said, Are we still on Earth? are, said Three. The OO-drops are in Praxton. Thats what this planet is called. Praxton. And what is Praxton? Asked LaShandarella. Sighing, Three replied, Oh its just one of those places that only exists inside of a persons imagination. So are we going or what? Aunty Prunella hollered over to the two of them. Or are we going to spend the rest of our lives standing in this roach-infested kitchen? Were going, LaShandarella called over to her aunty. I need to pack, she told Three. I cant go on a vacation without luggage and stuff like that. Smiling and looking very proud of himself, Three pointed with his finger and said, You dont have to worry about packing. Ive already done it for you. With her eyes, LaShandarella followed the line of his finger until she was looking at an assemblage of jewel-encrusted suitcases setting on the ground near a pool of water. Everything you need is inside those suitcases, said Three. LaShandarella hurried over to the counter and collected her Aunt Prunella. I didnt know you wanted to go, Aunty, she said. Of course I want to go, said Aunt Prunella. I never go anywhere. But you said Iz is a dump, LaShandarella reminded her aunt. Hey I admit I dont like the place. But I was hoping that I could get some of that dragon dung myself. I hear its also good for cleaning mirrors. When LaShandarella had returned to the refrigerator, her auntys make-up compact in hand, she saw that Three had entered through the portal and was standing with his face half-buried inside a tilted red flower with a bulb as twice as big as his head. Aaaah, Three exhaled as he was drawing the sweet fragrance into his lungs. Smells like heaven. Oh yeah? You ever been to Heaven? Asked Prunella as she and her niece were stepping into the refrigerator. Not yet, said Three. Well then how do you know how it smells? Asked Aunty Prunella. How do you know it even smells at all? Three sighed, heavily. When I said that about heaven, I was being metaphorical or something. Can I not be metaphorical if I want? Hey look here, said Aunt Prunella. You can be anything you want as long as it doesnt involve dressing up like a scarecrow. If you do that, then Im going to have LaShandarella here throw your little behind into a pile of dragon dung. Three smiled and lifted his hands grandly. So shall we follow the jello brick road? He asked his companions. At that point, LaShandarella hadnt yet entered the world called Praxton. She was standing right in the middle part that separates a whole other world from the inside of her refrigerator. Just think, she said, dreamily. One more step and Ill be leaving my Twinkies behind. Well you know what they say, said Three. Twinkies arent forever. Yeah; especially if you have a really big appetite, said LaShandarella. And then . . . she took one more step . . . and all of her Twinkies were behind her. It began to rain as LaShandarella was taking her first steps through the Valley of the OO-drops. Only rain didnt come down from the sky. This rain came up from the . Oh my! LaShandarella shrieked as she quickly dodged an eruption of water about as tall as herself. She turned around in order to go the other way; but when she did this, a pillar of water shot up from the ground. Whats going ? She squealed. Are there springs bursting open underground? He had taken shelter beneath a trio of hanging, yellow flowers. Here in Oo-drop Valley the rain comes out of the ground instead of down from the sky. Like it used to on Earth. LaShandarella dodged another splurge of water, then said, What do you ? On Earth the rain comes down from the . But it didnt always, said Three, raising his voice so that LaShandarella could hear him over the sound of the water squirting and splashing. When God created the first Earth, he made it so that the rain came out of the ground. As far as we know, the rain didnt start falling from the sky until the Great Flood. LaShandarella dodged another eruption of water, and did it just in time enough to keep a huge, apple-shaped lunk of fruit from catching her in the face. Whats that! She cried out as the fruit was rising into the air. That there is an Ootie Fruitie, Three explained. When it rains hard enough, theyre forced up out of the ground. The Ootie Fruitie coming down towards LaShandarellas head was a bright watermelon red and as big as a cantaloupe. She closed Aunt Prunellas compact (Hey! Prunella protested.), shoved it down into her jeans, then stepped back and caught the Ootie Fruitie with both arms. They come in all different colors and flavors, Three went on with his speech, as if though he hadnt been interrupted. And they taste really good, too. The OO-drops them. Maybe you ought to try a bit of that one. The Ootie Fruitie certainly good. At least until LaShandarella turned it around and saw that it was alive and that it had a face. Or rather, a long, wide, curvy grin accompanied by two shiny, black eyes. Stiffening, LaShandarella allowed the Ootie Fruitie to roll down into her outstretched hands. She had a look on her face that cant be described. But that look was so intense, it caused the Ootie Fruitie to frown up and to tremble with fear. DONT DROP IT!! Three yelled so loudly that for one split second the sound of the water was completely drowned out. Ootie Fruities being dropped. You drop it and itll sink down into the dirt and turn into one of those nasty Lud-dudders. Lud-dudders are so disgusting that the Royal Commissioners wont even allow them to live in Oo-drop Valley. Then what do I do with it? Asked LaShandarella. The Ootie Fruitie looked every bit as weird as she felt. Take a bite, said Three. Nobody can come to Oo-drop Valley and leave without having a bite of Ootie Fruitie. And most people, once theyve had that one bite, usually want more. But wont I hurt it? Asked LaShandarella. The one thing she didnt want to do was hurt the little creature. It did, after all, look more like a pet than a snack. Of course not, said Three. There are only other things that the Ootie Fruities love more than being eaten. And those two things are having a chance to grow again, and being shot up from the ground and into the sky. Believe me, its the closest you can get to flying without having wings. LaShandarella looked at the Ootie Fruitie for a moment. It did pretty tasty. And she starting to feel a little hungry, since the only thing shed had in a while was a few sugar wafers and a small cup of tea. You dont mind if I eat you, do you? She asked the Ootie Fruitie. Just a little bite? But the Ootie Fruitie didnt respond. Instead, it grinned so widely that LaShandarella could see through to the inside of its mouth. What she saw back there was something that looked like a large fruit seed, situated at the back of what could have been the creatures throat. Her stomach grumbling, she lifted the Ootie Fruitie up to her mouth and bit into it. The taste was incredible. It was like peaches and apples and honeydew melon and raspberries all blended together. LaShandarella took another bite, and this time, she tasted bananas and strawberries. She took a third bite, and tasted plums and apricots. The fourth bite was like cherries and lemons. The fifth bite was like grape jam and apple butter. The sixth bite was key lime and yellow cream cheese. Thirty-seven bites and 327 flavors later, the only thing left was the stem, and a seed two times bigger than a peach pit. And like the Ootie Fruitie before it, this seed had two shiny black eyes, and a curvy grin. Wow, she said. That was pretty good. And I was a lot hungrier than I thought. If you like, said Three, you can plant the Oo-seed here in Oo-drop Valley or, you can keep it and plant it somewhere else later on. I think Ill keep it, said LaShandarella. Somehow I think I should. She removed Aunt Prunella's make-up compact from the side-pocket of her jeans, then replaced it with the Oo-seed. What was that all about? Aunt Prunella fussed once her niece had the make-up compact opened again. I caught an Ootie Fruitie, said LaShandarella. Aunt Prunella looked confused for a moment. Then she said, Look. Dont even bother explaining. Just be sure you dont breathe on me so I dont catch it too. Look! Cried Three in a voice breathless with amazement. Its the OO-drops! The Oo-! Exclaimed Aunty Prunella, ducking and covering up her nose and mouth. The OO-drops, said LaShandarella, for by now she was looking at two of them. They had soft, plump, shimmery, velvet-like bodies. Instead of hands and feet, they had strong, sturdy fibers that blinked on and off like electrical lights. And instead of necks they had enormous flower blossoms that rose up to their chins like giant shirt collars. From these blossoms grew light-bulb-shaped heads, and from the tops of their heads grew tentacles. Each tentacle was made up of a string of glittering beads. LaShandarella stood, unmoving, as more OO-drops glided out from behind the trees. She wanted to say something, and so she opened her mouth to speak. But then she realized that she and the OO-drops probably didnt even speak the same language. Hello, said Three cheerfully. How are you? I dont know if you remember me, but my names Three. I was here just a couple of months ago. I remember you, said the OO-drop who had come out first. You have two brothers named One and Two. Youre the third in a set of triplets. Thats why they call you Three, said the OO-drop who had come out second. I thought you were called Three because at last years annual Genie Legit Competition, you became the first genie to set a record for the most Ootie Fruities eaten in a time frame of exactly minutes, said an OO-drop with braided tentacles. Well I thought he were called Three because he was born with fully-grown teeth in his mouth, said an OO-drop who had tentacles that were arranged in a sort of afro-like fashion. Grinning widely, Three held out his arms and proclaimed, very proudly, You remember me! Now LaShandarella and her Aunt Prunella didnt understand of what was being said. This is because the conversation was being carried out in a completely different language. The language was called Oo-drop-ee-sian, and was spoken by most of the creatures that lived on Oo-piter, the planet from which the OO-drops were descended. These are my friends, said Three in Oo-drop-ee-sian. Were on our way to the City of Iz. A considerably tall OO-drop with tentacles twisted together like pig tails smiled along with some of the others, then asked Three, What is it that you need? Wisdom? Courage? Brains? A heart? No, said Three. He turned around and looked nervously at his companions, as if though he was afraid they might suddenly understand what was being said. What makes you think Im going to Iz because I something? No. My friends and I are going on a vacation. The OO-drop with the twisted tentacles was about to say something more when a mighty surge of water blasted from the ground, taking with it the squealing OO-drop and about a buckets worth of Ootie Fruities. Watch your head! Three called out to his friends in English as he was charging towards a cluster of broccoli-sized trees. One of the trees had a hole in it just big enough for Three to duck into. LaShandarella ran over and grabbed one of the smaller pieces of luggage and held it over her head. She watched as several of the OO-drops were thrusted into the air along with a scattering of Ootie Fruities. The Ootie Fruities rose into the air until they became like pieces of confetti against the sky. Can you just tuck me down into your pocket until we get outta here! Yelled Aunt Prunella over the splashing, squirting and squealing. She was still in LaShandarellas hand, the corner of the suit case pressed against her glass. The only way I can catch na Ootie Fruitie is in the ! She yelled. LaShandarella, though, wasnt able to tuck the make-up compact down into her pocket because just as she was about to do this, she was lifted into the air by a foamy surge of water. Immediately she began to bounce and tumble around on her bottom one moment; on her back the next. It looked a lot like she was doing a very complicated dance. As a matter of fact, the OO-drops on the ground were so impressed by LaShandarellas moves that they all Oo-lee-ooped turned themselves inside out one right after the other; and the OO-drops in the air were so impressed that they began to do these dances themselves. At one point, LaShandarella wound up on her head spinning around. She was spinning so fast that she lost her hold on Aunt Prunella. The make-up compact shot out of her hand like a wet bar of soap, and sank towards the land so quickly that Aunt Prunella didnt have enough time to scream. She plunked into the soft, mushy soil, and sank into a spot where there were no Ootie Fruities to boost her back out. By now LaShandarella had stopped spinning and was heading back towards the ground. When she was on her feet again, she quickly got onto her knees and began digging out chunks of wet dirt. All around her, springs were erupting, sending smiling Ootie Fruities and squealing OO-drops flinging into the air. You wont get her out like that, said Three calmly. He had emerged from the little tree, which was now dripping with rain water, and was standing beneath a flower that seemed to be of a glowing, silver matter. Unless theres a full grown Ootie Fruitie underneath her, he said, youll have to out. The fact is, shes no longer your Aunt Prunella. Shes now a Prunella . Hearing this sent ice bumps running up and down LaShandarellas arms. How is that? She asked her genie. Well, this ground is enchanted, Three began, so that anything planted here or anything that sinks into the ground has to be grown out like a plant. An Ootie Fruitie, though, wont grow back out if its dropped by someone. Itll spoil and turn into a Lud-dudder just as I told you before. How exactly do I grow her out? Just like you would a plant, said Three. Of course being that its so wet and its raining anyway, you probably wont have to do anything but stand here and wait for her to pop up. But I dont want to wait, said LaShandarella. I feel weird knowing that my Aunt Prunella my only aunty in this world is buried inside all this dirt without glass cleaner. Of course I also feel weird knowing that shes going to come back out of the ground with stems instead of arms. While she was talking about all this, LaShandarella spotted a large gathering of flowers shaped like champagne glasses. Each one was filled to its very top with fresh rain water. Dodging several rainy geysers, and ducking a few falling OO-drops and Ootie Fruities, LaShandarella hurried over and picked one of these buds. Quickly she carried it back to where her aunty was planted and poured it onto the spot. LaShandarella then stepped back and watched as the buried Prunella seed became a Prunella flower. It was tall. And it didnt look much like a real flower. Rather, it looked more like a flower. It was sparkly silver and shaped like a beauty shop mirror, the kind the beautician will give to you after your hair is finished so that you can see how good you look. The end of the handle was buried in the ground, and the neck of the handle or the neck of the had a leaf attached to each side. The top of the mirror flower the glass part was oval-shaped, and just big enough for Aunt Prunellas face to show through. How do you feel? Asked LaShandarella. You okay? Aunt Prunella sighed, wearily. Well, my roots are a little sore, but other than that, Im fine. With the exception of a few sputters, the rain had stopped, so LaShandarella was able to screw her aunty out of the ground without being swept back up into the air, and without getting bopped in the head by an Ootie Fruitie. Her roots making deep crunching sounds as they were pulled out of the dirt, Aunt Prunella squinched up her eyes and screwed up her face in pain. You want me to take these roots off? Asked LaShandarella as she was shaking the dirt from them. What I want you to do is get me out of this thing! Prunella hollered. I feel like Ive been ! Tell that genie of yours to whip up one of his spells or something! Cant do it, said Three. He was sitting on top of a smiling, red Ootie Fruitie, digging chunks out of it and placing them elegantly into his mouth before chewing them up. Once I do something, I cant turn around and do it again. Because its already been done. What do you mean? Asked Aunt Prunella irritably. I mean I already took you out of a mirror, said Three. I cant take you out of a mirror again. Im sorry Aunty, LaShandarella apologized. You know I didnt mean for this to happen. Aunt Prunella gave a weary sigh. Well, I considering a new look for myself. And even though this isnt what I had in mind, I do kinda like this silvery color. So shall we be going? Asked Three. He had removed a silk handkerchief from the inside of his jacket and was using it to wipe his mouth. Yeah I guess so, said LaShandarella. She looked around at all of the OO-drops, half of whom were now in Oo-lee-oop form. Why do so many of them look so different? She asked Three. And Three explained, Because theyve Oo-lee-ooped. Theyve turned themselves inside out. This happens when they get excited. The OO-drops that had OO-lee-ooped now appeared to be wearing long, shimmering velvet capes. They no longer had limbs, and the giant flowers had disappeared. Also, instead of tentacles, each OO-drop now had a crown of flowers on its head. We want to give you something, said one of the OO-drops in Oo-drop-ee-sian. It had lips like a big, red apple, and its cape was a bright, strong yellow. LaShandarella believed that it was the same OO-drop that had come out before all the others. English! LaShandarella exclaimed. Youre speaking ! Well, I was speaking English before, said the OO-drop. Only you didnt know it because I was speaking it . When OO-drops Oo-lee-oop, the language reverses itself, so that were speaking it . Back home, on the Planet Oo-piter, it is the tradition of our kind to present a gift to anyone who travels into our world. Here, in OO-drop Valley, on the Planet Praxton, we continue that tradition. With an OO-diamond, each one of you will be able to wish up thing that you truly desire. The only catch is . . . that thing cannot weigh more than three ounces. You will find your OO-diamonds in the waters here. There are of them, and they glow brighter than the stars. Now. An OO-diamond is a very precious thing. You must exercise caution when using it. If you - LaShandarella and her genie were taking off towards the water before the OO-drop had even finished its speech. She knew that they were all probably being rude and especially Aunt Prunella, who yelled out, Last one there is a rotten dragon turd but in that moment, LaShandarella and her two companions were more concerned about grabbing up those OO-diamonds than they were about watching their manners. The trio of OO-diamonds glowed brilliant and star-like amongst all the other jewels. While LaShandarella was trying to fish hers out, she accidentally dunked Aunt Prunellas whole glass face into the water. That woman and for a full seven seconds before LaShandarella realized that she was submerged and pulled her out. Sorry, LaShandarella apologized to her soaking aunty. Thats okay, said Aunt Prunella. Its actually a good thing that nobody was able to hear what I was saying. And now that you have your OO-diamonds, began that same OO-drop as LaShandarella and her companions were making their way back towards the others, you can put them away until youre ready to use them. Inhaling a deep breath, the OO-drop was about to say more when Three butted in and said, Yeah-yeah-yeah OO-drip. Wed really love to stay here all day and talk and eat Ootie Fruities and watch you OO-lee-oop until you poopie-poop, but we really need to be on our way. Before we go, Id like to give you a gift too, said LaShandarella. Smiling, the OO-drop who had just given the speech turned and looked at the other OO-drops, who were all smiling eagerly. Well what is this gift you wish to give us? Asked the OO-drop when it was facing LaShandarella again. Well uh . . ., LaShandarella stammered. I said Id to give you a gift. But I dont actually have anything to . Not unless you want this OO-seed. There is, though, something you can give , Three said to the OO-drops. We need a spell. A shrinking spell to shrink this luggage. Kind of like the spell you use to make the Ootie Fruities bite-sized. The OO-drops took turns looking at each other for a moment, then one of them said, We dont have anymore shrinking spells. We ate them all. Well whyd you do that? Three exclaimed. Because. We thought they were cookies. Sighing deeply, Three put his hands on his hips and turned to face LaShandarellas jeweled slippers. Well I dont know what to do about this luggage, he said. We wont be able to carry it all the way to Iz. Not unless you use one of your wishes to shrink it. Okay, said LaShandarella reluctantly. Ill give it back to you, of course, said Three. And then they all watched as the brand new luggage set shrank until it looked like a small cluster of building blocks. Then Three said, Its done. The jello brick road as you know was made of bricks of jello. The bricks looked smooth and solid, and when LaShandarella stepped over and peeked down into them, she saw that there were Ootie Fruities both whole and sliced suspended on the inside. The whole Ootie Fruities were smiling widely, whereas the sliced Ootie Fruities were only smiling . Blech, went LaShandarella, her mouth turned down and her nose turned up. I cant when the jello has fruit in it. And I hate it when the pudding has , said Three. He was back inside his decanter, so his voice had a kind of echoy sound to it. So are we going, or are we just going to stand here and get sick? Said Aunt Prunella queasily. Were going, said LaShandarella through a deep breath. And then, she took her first step down the jello brick road. And what a long step it was. The jello as jello usually is was slippery, slippery that the step very quickly became a slide. The first curve wasnt so tough. LaShandarella was able to use her aunty and Threes thirteen-inch-decanter to maneuver herself around the bend in a sort of ski-like fashion. As she was moving haphazardly through this curve, Three, who was sitting in his bath tub buried up to his chest in thick, white suds, was thrown underwater. He would have certainly drowned if his yellow rubber ducky hadnt dove in and pulled him out by its beak. The second curve wasnt so tough either, and neither was the third (at least not for LaShandarella). It was that curve that almost got her. Aside from being slippery, jello is also , so as she picked up speed, she began to up and down like she was on a pogo stick. She so hard and so high that she ended up in a very tall tree, surrounded by a thick tangle of leaves. Great, said Aunt Prunella. I always wanted to see the world from way up high. She was hanging from a crevice in between two limbs, and there was a crack running down the middle of her mirror face. When she noticed this, her eyes came together at her nose. Oh boy, she moaned. I hope this thing doesnt break again, or else there wont be anymore of me left! Whats going on out there? Three called to his two companions. His decanter was hanging from in between two limbs as well. Were stuck in a tree, LaShandarella told him. Theres ducks in the ? Said Three, sounding very confused. You cant hear me because Im not close enough to call down to you, said LaShandarella. If we fall out of this tree, well be in , said Aunt Prunella grimly. Im going to have to use one of my wishes to get us down, said LaShandarella. Hey Three! She called in an amplified voice. I need to make a wish! You need to bake a fish? Three called back to her. No, I need to make a wish! You peed to make it squish! Said Three disbelievingly. And then he added in an angry voice, Thats a really sick thing to tell a guy LaShandarella! THREE, LISTEN TO ME! I NEED . . . TO MAKE . . . A WISH! I WISH US OUT OF THIS TREE! AND IF WE DONT GET OUT SOON! THERES GONE BE BEEF BETWEEN YOU AND ME! Okay, okay, said Three, testily. Just answer me this. How in ali babba did we end up in a tree? I was , said LaShandarella. ? Does it ? Just get us . Right. So how do you want to get down? You want to fly, flutter, float or fling? It doesnt matter, Three, said LaShandarella. Just make sure we dont fall and get hurt. Three said, Its done. What he created was a long, spiraling jello staircase that reached from the top of the tree all the way to the ground. In order to get down, LaShandarella had to first pull her Aunt Prunella from in between the two limbs. But in order to do , she had to first loosen one of her arms. Doing so left her with a number of scrapes and scratches. It also left her with a bit of dirt trapped inside her upper eyelid, so that she had to pull Aunt Prunella down with one eye closed. When she did , there was the sound of glass breaking sharply, followed by something that sounded like a succession of small beads popping off of a very tight dress. OW! OW! Aunt Prunella screeched. Once her aunty was free, LaShandarella began wiggling around to try to free herself. While doing this, she thought she heard something pop, something that sounded very much like a bone. She didnt feel anything though, so as far as she knew, she was able to get down without breaking any parts of herself. I cant be- you Three, LaShandarella complained as she was bouncing down the spiraling jello staircase, her Aunt Prunella in one hand, and Threes decanter in the other. I asked you to make sure we didnt get . I thought you wanted me to make sure you didnt get hurt , said Three. But even though I almost drowned during your little sports event, I apologize. Apology accepted, said LaShandarella. By the way, I need you to wish this bit of dirt out of my eye. I dont even feel like fumbling with it. Its done. When LaShandarella finally reached the end of the staircase, she turned to look out at the City of Iz, and said, Three? Is there any way that you could open up a portal into the City of Iz? I have a feeling that if we try to walk the rest of the way, well get there just in time. For our funerals, that is. I see your point, said Aunt Prunella. If we die on the way, we can just forget about collecting that dragon dung. The only portal that leads into Iz is about the size of a donut hole, said Three, who was still inside his decanter. Which means that its only just big enough for me to crawl through. Of course I could always whistle for a dragon. Oh no, said LaShandarella, warily. The only way Ill be riding a dragon is on the dragon carousel. Then we have no other choice but to walk the rest of the way, said Three. Unless you want to wish up some other means of transport. Now this sounded like a great idea. It would, after all, be a lot easier to wish up some sizable transport than to try to fit through a donut-sized hole. The only thing is, LaShandarella wasnt sure what kind of transport she should wish for. She didnt think it would make sense to wish for a carriage mobile, since she already had one at home. And she just couldnt see herself gliding through the air on a white, winged unicorn. It was while she was considering traveling the rest of the way inside of the pouch of a giants overalls that she heard someone yell, Hey you! Miss! The voice came from up high. It was a young, male voice probably twenty-somethingish and it sounded like it belonged to someone who had dimples. Or so this is what LaShandarella was thinking. Theres someone here, she said. She leaned her head back and looked up into the trees. What she saw was a small bit of face hair, brows, and eyes and a long arm sheathed in a satiny white sleeve. The dark-looking eyes seemed to be peering down over the edge of what looked like an enormous birds nest, and the arm was waving frantically back and forth, so that the huge chunk of bling on the ring finger caught the light and flung it around like polished silver coins. Please help me! Cried the voice. Before she comes back for me! Using her hand to shield her eyes from the sun-like orb that gave light to the planet, LaShandarella took a few steps back in order to get a better look at the man stuck in the tree. Who are you ! She yelled. And why are you up there! Im up here because my oil can is ! The man hollered back at her. Which means that I cant get without it! So you need your oil can! Yelled LaShandarella, her voice higher and considerably more strained than before. Well I a haircut, but the oil canll be fine for now. LaShandarella spotted the oil can situated in a flowery patch of grass. When she picked it up, she saw that the tall, silver container was really a can of hair sheen. , it read across the front. What does he need with hair sheen? LaShandarella asked herself. She didnt answer though. Her Aunt Prunella did. Maybe hes going to use it to spray a long line of grease in the air so he can slide down it. Can you throw it up here please! The man yelled in a very irritable way. Okay! LaShandarella yelled back at him. Just move back out of the way so you dont get hit in the head with the can. Now LaShandarella was an excellent thrower. Her third year at Ice Castle Senior High School, LaShandarella led the fairy ball team to the Intergalactic Championship Finals, at which she led the team to a final 160-140 victory. She scored a total of ninety points in that game, breaking a record that had been set during the days of King Arthur. In fairy ball, the goal basket is up so high that one has to be a giant to see the whole rim. The game is played a lot like basketball, only in fairy ball theres no such thing as a hook shot, and instead of being played with a ball, its played with a psycho-delusional fairy who that its a ball, and sets out to prove this by rolling itself into a ball shape. This is what LaShandarella did to the can of hair sheen. She pressed it and squeezed it and rolled it in between the palms of her hands until she had created a solid, silver ball. In the meantime, the man stuck in the tree had moved back so as not to get caught in the head. But while waiting for LaShandarella to throw his can to him, he became impatient and decided to have another look down. Unfortunately, as soon as the top part of his head was visible, the silver ball caught him with a that sent him flying out of sight. The next time he reappeared, it wasnt just the of his head that was showing, it was his that was showing. The rest of him after up and down a few times had pierced through the jello brick road like a large knife, so that he was suddenly buried up to his neck in banana-flavored gelatin. Oh , . Why ? I banana. The man turned his head as much as he could so as to get a better look at LaShandarella. When he did this, it caused the jello to make squidgy, squodgy sounds. Can you get me out of here . I believe Im starting to sink. Oh no. I sinking! LaShandarella hurried over to him and held out her aunty. Grab onto this! She yelled. Okay. Theres just one thing. Whats that? Well. Actually theres things. Theyre my arms and THEYRE IMMERSED IN JELLO! Oh, said LaShandarella, her cheeks stinging with embarrassment. Well look. Maybe I can dig you out, she said. And so, using the long-handled mirror like a shovel, LaShandarella began digging into the gelatin. Chunk after jiggly chunk was sent wobbling over her shoulder until at last the young man was able to push himself out using his arms and his own physical strength. Oh thank you, he said as he was stumbling into a grass-laden area. His satiny white suit now had a yellowish tinge about it and was covered in tiny, wiggly bits of jello. He pulled from the inside of his jacket a long, flimsy sheet of satiny-like material and began wiping away at the clinging bits. Is that a handkerchief? Asked LaShandarella, for the thing was awfully long. This? Oh no. This heres lunch. What is it? Candy cloth? The young man chuckled. Its something that a lot of people eat where Im from, he said. It doesnt have a name, but its made from finely-pressed unicorn intestines. . You hate banana-flavored jello, but youll eat a unicorns . Hey where Im from we dont eat bananas, okay, the young man passionately declared. At least not in a hundred-and-twenty-seven years. Oh yeah? What happened a hundred and twenty-seven years ago? For a moment it seemed that the man was thinking really hard about something. And then he said, I really cant put it into words. I only seven years old at the time. I will say, though, that my people somehow got to the point where they realized that bananas are really no different from themselves. At least not once you peel off the yellow skin. LaShandarella and her aunty looked at each other as if though they were both thinking, Has he been smoking fairy dust? And then Aunt Prunella said, Your people must work for Bee-Eee-Tee. No, maam. Those people are ; my people are . The young-looking man smiled, revealing teeth that held all the light of heaven. My names Delfin, he said. Delfin Dobbins. Im on my way to Iz to get . . . a problem fixed. Delfin Dobbins had a watered-down lemonade complexion and wavy hair that was so thick it appeared to be growing right before LaShandarellas eyes. And he had dimples too, deep ones, one in each cheek, and the cutest, biggest ears LaShandarella had ever seen on a baby elephant (She had never seen an elf until now.) Im assuming that youre also going to Iz, Delfin said. Of course, said LaShandarella. Where else would we be going? Well this road also leads to Dragon Town, Delfin explained. And it leads to uh . . . another place where theres a lot of fire. Hearing this caused LaShandarellas eyes to widen so that they nearly doubled the size of Delfins ears. What! She exclaimed. You got to be kidding! Oh no I dont mean place, Delfin said. Im talking about Trollville. In Trollville they get a lot of human visitors, and so they're always having these really big festive barbecues. Three how come you didnt tell us that this road leads to Dragon Town and Trollville? Said LaShandarella, holding the decanter up to her mouth so that her genie could hear her loud and clear. And dont tell me, Because you didnt ask. Well you , said Three pitifully. And anyway, I can protect you from a few dragons and trolls. What about of dragons and trolls? Said Aunt Prunella. Look, Im sorry okay? Three apologized. He was still sitting in his bath tub, and there was a huge wad of white shampoo foam nestled on top of his head. Ill make it up to you, he told LaShandarella. Ill give you an extra wish. You already owe me , in addition to the I have left. Okay. So Ill add one more wish to the one you have left, the three I owe you. That means you still have wishes. Make it seven, and Ill accept your apology, said LaShandarella. Okay. Ill add wishes to the one you have left, and the three I owe you. Thats eleven. Thats twelve, Aunt Prunella corrected him. Thats wrong, said LaShandarella. I meant . I wouldnt know what to do with twelve wishes, Three. would, said Delfin. Id wish up twelve of hair sheen. How would you like brand new can of hair sheen? LaShandarella asked him. Thatd be nice, said Delfin, smiling widely. Three? Can you wish up Delfin a can of hair sheen please? Can and I squish up snails in a can of spare beans and cheese? Thats LaShandarella. Id rather eat pudding with a . Three , said LaShandarella, her lips now pressed against the decanter. I need a can of hair sheen for our new friend here. Hair sheen? Hmm . . . thats something my people dont use. But I guess I can give it a go . . . okay. Its done. I think. The hair sheen produced by Three was made of pure olive oil and clear, cut diamonds that had been crushed to a very fine powder. , said the cans front. Delfin sprayed a swirling round of it onto his hair, producing a shimmery haze similar to that of Naomis fairy ether. Then, his hair scintillating like brand new jewelry, his ears flapping like giant butterflies, Delfin began to rise into the air. You can , said LaShandarella once Delfin was on his feet again. Yes. Yes I can. Thanks for the hair sheen. I really appreciate it. I mean I cant fly without it. Oh yeah. I got that idea before. How come you cant fly without hair sheen? Well, said Delfin, I dont like to fly unless I know the light is sparkling in my hair. Somehow it just makes me feel more confident. I guess we need to be on our way, said Delfin. 'We'? Said LaShandarella in surprise. Of course. You didn't think I was going to fly off without you? And anyway if you try to walk to Iz from this point on, it'll take you well over three days. LaShandarella probably would have fussed at Three for having not told her this if she hadn't been distracted by the warmth of Delfin's hand surrounding her own. I'll take your decanter for you if you like, Delfin offered, sweetly. Okay, said LaShandarella. She swore she could feel stars twinkling in her eyes. As they were rising into the air, Delfin's ears flopping like giant butterfly wings, LaShandarella asked him, Who is it that you said was coming back for you? A harpy, said Delfin. From the Lowlands. An ovulating harpy. He shuddered as he was soaring over a thicket of trees. That's the tree I was in, he said as they were flying over an enormous bird-like nest made of sticks, limbs, and branches. Isn't a harpy a sort of . . . woman? Asked LaShandarella. Well they're humanoids, said Delfin. They just have this extreme physical deformity that generally makes them unattractive to men. And their unnatural aggression doesnt help. The sky was padded with clouds, and the light of the sun-like orb caused the sky to look as if though it had been dusted in bits of aurum. Down below, the jello brick road looked like a long stream of jewel-speckled gold. It's all so pretty! LaShandarella exclaimed in delight. Thank you! Said Delfin. I think the more sparkles you have in your hair, the better! They flew along the path of the jello brick road until they were flying over Dragon Town. At first sight, LaShandarella saw scaly monster-sized beasts lumbering through a grassy plain. It appeared that whenever they exhaled they created black puffs of smoke. Isn't this dangerous? Asked LaShandarella. Nah, said Delfin, shaking his head. Its not like they can reach us up here. As soon as he had finished speaking, an arrow came flying at him, striking his ear and knocking him off course. Woah! Delfin hollered. Good thing it didnt come any closer to my face! You okay? Asked LaShandarella in a panicky way. Oh yeah Im fine, said Delfin. I can still hear anyway. Dont worry. Im on guard now. If another arrow comes at us, I should be able to block it with my ears. I wonder who shot that? Asked LaShandarella. I know dragons dont use bows and arrows. Trolls, Delfin answered. Were flying over Trollville now. Why are we flying over Trollville? LaShandarella wanted to know. She watched as a large group of splotchy brown trolls sauntered up and down a busy street. From way up high, they looked like a bunch of rotten potatoes. Because theres a short cut this way, Delfin explained. See. Were already there. LaShandarella lifted her eyes and saw that they were so close to the glassy green City of Iz that she could see their reflections in a tall, winding skyscraper. She could also see great hordes of people speckling the ground. What are they doing? She asked. Trying to get back into the city. Through the Chain Entrance. Thats how you get in if you dont know how to fly. And this? This is how you get in if you have ears like wings. Delfin took such a deep, sudden dive that LaShandarella swore she felt her stomach leave her body. Straight ahead of them was a tower shaped like a decanter of perfume. They were heading towards the center of this tower, where there gleamed a large star-cut diamond. Dont worry. Said Delfin. That theres the entrance. Itll open before we hit it. And it did. When they were just inches away from the gleaming, star-like entrance, it split open into eight parts so that Delfin and LaShandarella passed through with no harm. Once inside, they began to settle flutteringly towards the ground. LaShandarella soon realized that they were falling towards a long stretch of rainbow. What is this? She asked Delfin. Its a bridge that leads into the actual city, Delfin explained. Its called the Rainbow Skyway. As they were walking along, LaShandarella saw that the skyway went on for miles and miles, looping and curving like a convoluted rainbow. Do we have to walk to the end of this? Asked LaShandarella, anxiously wondering how she and Delfin were going to make it through those loops without falling through the clouds. Well we just keep walking, said Delfin. But wed get there a lot quicker if I just did this . . . Delfin stopped speaking long enough to bend over and take up a section of the skyway into his hands. It was as wide as a bed sheet and as fluescent as a silk hair ribbon. He pulled on it like he was trying to rope in a dragon, and with that one motion, Delfin reeled in the entire skyway so quickly that less than a second later, he and LaShandarella were standing in front of a door made of pure, solid emerald. On either side of the door there was nothing but sky. Clear, blue sky. This is the end of the Rainbow Skyway, said Delfin. And then, bowing like a gentleman, he took a hold of the curved, glass handle, turned it until it clicked, pushed the door opened and said, Ladies first. The door opened up into a city of skyscrapers constructed entirely from citrine and sapphire jewels. The buildings were situated so closely together that the blue and yellow colors blended like paints, giving the appearance of an emerald-colored city. As LaShandarella was gazing up into the cloudless sky, there was a sharp, flatulating sound that caused her to jump several inches into the air. Did that green witch put a spell on everything to make it look green? Asked Three, who had just materialized. She put a spell on it alright, said Delfin. But her spell didnt change the color of the city. It changed the taste of the food. What does the food taste like? LaShandarella asked. Like caramel pudding, said Delfin, a sickened look on his face. Sounds like my kind of place, said Three happily. Aunt Prunella, who had been quiet all this time, said, Its a good thing Im not out there with yall. That way if I get sick, everything that comes out of me stays inside this mirror. Good for us, but not good for you, said Three. The path that led into the city came in very slowly, like the shimmery black smoke of magic, solidifying as they walked along. LaShandarella took the time to look around . She could see straight into the trans-glosscent buildings, where people were eating, browsing, and shopping. So what do we do first? asked LaShandarella, more to herself than to anyone else. Lets get something to eat, said Aunt Prunella. Im starving. Oh man its so great to be back, said Three, passionately. I feel like a kid again. Mom-eeee! With tears in his eyes, Three took off down the path. That boy is odd, Aunt Prunella said. They took a glass elevator chute up into the highest part of the city. Standing inside when they got on-board was a legless personage made of shimmering, green glop. It watched LaShandarella for almost the whole time they were going up. At first she thought it was checking her out, and so she stood there looking and feeling uncomfortable and trying to avoid its eyes. Excuse me maam. Are you going to eat that? This question, of course, took LaShandarella by surprise. Eat what? She asked. I think hes talking about me, Three muttered. He was standing on her shoulder, leaning towards her ear. I poofed up here a little while ago. I knew I heard something, said Aunt Prunella. But I thought somebody had let off one, and didnt want to embarrass anybody. You mean this on my shoulder? Said LaShandarella to the gloppy-looking creature. This is my genie. And hes not for eating. A genie? Said the glop creature incredulously. Looks like a cookie to me. Just then, the elevator doors slid open. LaShandarella waited while the glop egressed, leaving behind it a shimmering, wet trail. What was ? She exclaimed in a voice that barely surpassed a whisper. It looks like dragon gook, said Three as they were leaving the elevator. Dragon ? Asked LaShandarella. Not that she hadnt heard what was said. Its just that she didnt understand what a big blob of dragon gook was doing sliding around and talking. It was dragon gook, said Three again. I wont say what part of the dragon it came from not that it isnt obvious - but someone mustve put a spell on it that caused it to come to life. So where are we going first? Asked Prunella. LaShandarella was now holding her aunty so that the woman was able to see everything right side up. Lets go shopping, LaShandarella suggested. Then we can go to the hotel where Three made us reservations. You got any money? Aunt Prunella asked. No. But Three can wish some up for me. Right Three? Your wish is my command, said Three. How much do you want? Enough for a dragon-sized shopping spree, LaShandarella exclaimed. And Three said, Then its done. The first place they went to was a clothing joint called Thorellas Threads. Here, ladies in jewel-embellished flutters wafted about like living flowers. The owner of the store introduced herself as Thorella Thodow. She wore jewel-encrusted glasses with halo-sized rims, and a long, waist-length flutter-blouse over low-cut denim jeans. So what are you looking for today? She asked in a way that was both breezy and professional. Now LaShandarella was something of a glamour girl. Her wardrobe was sparkly enough to glitz up an entire night sky. But that day, standing in Thorellas Threads for the first time, it wasnt so much she was looking at; it was . Luxuriating on velvet pillows were necklaces made of color-changing jewels, bracelets made of fire stones, and chokers made of emerald ice. Rings boasted an assemblage of unwordly stones, and there was a vast display of accessories made of water diamonds watches, tiaras, and handbags. I want one of each of these, said LaShandarella, waving her hands at the magnificent jewelry display. And I want a pair of those fairy silk panties in every color you got. While LaShandarella was shopping, Delfin was in Codaeluss Cuts getting his waves trimmed down. Codaelus was a little man with a very fine hand. He could cut, shape and style any kind of hair there was. Now Delfins hair was so wavy, it was like he had a little black ocean sitting on top of his head. He was very proud of his hair; he wouldnt let just anybody come at him with a pair of shears. Codaelus had seven assistants working for him, Delfin didnt trust either of them with a peanut butter sandwich, let alone a cutting instrument. So whenever he went to Codaeluss Cuts, it was Codaelus who shape and trimmed him, who transformed his thick, wavy hair into a sleek and stunning style. So you really like this girl? Said Codaelus as he was shaping up the back. Delfin had only just been telling him about LaShandarella. Yeah, I do. Delfin sighed, dreamily. Shes everything I always wanted in a girl. Everything I always wanted in a . Shes than a woman. More than a woman? said Codaelus in a curious way. You mean . . . like women? Suddenly, Delfin had that sickened caramel pudding expression on his face. Nah, not two women, he said. That would be unnatural. And theres nothing unnatural about this lady. What Im trying to say Codaelus is . . . she just cant be . Other than that she has great skin and really long eyelashes. Having finished, Codaelus wiped the clippers, set them aside, and grabbed a jar of dragon pomade from his supply table. You know what you have to do? He said. What you need to ask her? Delfin was sure he knew this perfectly well. Ask her to marry me, he grandly proclaimed. ? Codaelus nearly yelled. you. You dont even know the ladys last name! Nah man, you got to ask her out on a . I could take her to the Fairy Theme Park, said Delfin. Introduce her to my friends who work there. you could take her into Trollville and introduce her as a snack, said Codaelus. Come on, Dee. You can do better than that lame old Fairy Theme Park, man. Delfin was silent a moment as he thought. We could go to the Wondrous Treats Shoppe and have floating ice cream sodas. And then take a magic carpet ride along Aali Babba Avenue. And after that, we could go up to Snow Fall Mountain and look at the ice statues, and make fairies in the snow. we could just go to the Food Court and talk over hamburgers. Codaelus shrugged. Ill tell you what, he said as he was screwing the top back onto the pomade jar. Why not ask her what shed like to do for fun? I mean theres plenty to do in this city. Sounds like a good idea, said Delfin. I just hope that hunting for dragon eggs isnt her idea of fun. The last time I did that with a girl, the nasty things came out at the wrong time. Things? Said Codaelus. You mean the dragons came out of their shells. Nah, I had gas and I was trying to hold it in, Delfin explained. And boy was I embarrassed! Now Im going to tell you something Codaelus, and I want you to remember this. If youre going to eat dragon eggs, make sure you cook the things first! LaShandarella left Thorellas Threads with a horde of satiny, candy-colored bags. She bought so much stuff that she had to wish up seventeen attendants to carry everything. Im really enjoying this, said Aunt Prunella, who was nestled down into an oblong shopping bag filled with cream-colored tissue. She had a jewel-bespeckled sash thrown around her neck, and was wearing a brand new pair of bling shades. Yeah Im having a good time myself, said LaShandarella as they were all heading towards a glass elevator shoot. But Im hungry. We need to get something to eat. If you dont mind, said Three, I believe Ill be skipping lunch. He was sitting on the rim of his opened decanter, which one of the attendants was carrying around inside a bag. I have some very important business to take care of, he said. Well what about our hotel reservations? Asked LaShandarella somewhat testily. I put the reservations in your name, said Three. The Starbreaker Hotel on Sparkle and Thirty-third. Ill be in the lobby waiting when you get there. When he had finished speaking, Three his way back into his decanter. A couple of ladies dressed in lace-and-silk flutters walked by them just as he did this, and each one of them gave LaShandarella a look of pure disgust. Ill see you when I get back, said Three, his voice giving off that echoy sound. And then, with another nasty-sounding , a small, black convertible with the top drawn up appeared on the ground at their feet. Its engine roaring, its tires screeching, the car sped away. LaShandarella wondered where he could be going. But she knew it wasnt in her place to ask. Even though Three belonged to her, he was still his own person, a person who had a life outside of being a genie. For all she knew, he had a family somewhere, a wife and some kids perhaps. And she was sure he had friends. Maybe he was off to visit someone he hadnt seen in a long time? He had every right to do this if he wanted. Even so, LaShandarella couldnt help but to feel bad. She now knew that Three had only talked her into coming to Iz because he had something he needed to do there. He didnt care if she ever found the man of her dreams. Her love life was unimportant to him. Whats more, she wouldnt be able to make any wishes without him around. He had promised to meet her at the hotel, but what if she needed him before then? Or what if something bad happened? Three was the only one who could undo it and make it right again. Three was the only one who could make all of her wishes come true. At 3:45 p.m., they all met up at the Wondrous Treats Shoppe as they had planned earlier. Delfin was sitting at a table waiting for LaShandarella when she walked in with her brand new entourage. His waves were shimmering like they had been slicked down in fairy grease. Hey. I see youve been doing a lot of shopping, said Delfin. Yeah. I didnt think I was going to buy so much. LaShandarella sat down at the only other chair at the table. Just set my packages here on the floor please, she said to her attendants. And if you dont mind, get a chair for my aunty. Thank you. I ordered us both fairy cream sodas, said Delfin bashfully. I hope thats okay. I was going to get floating ice cream sodas, but I realized I dont much feel like flying right now. Oh thats fine. Ive never had a floating ice cream soda before, but Ive never had a fairy cream soda either. Im sure theyre good. The waitress who bought their orders was a little lady with mermaid hair. LaShandarella had noticed that there were a lot of little people in the city. Would you like fairy sprinkles with that? Asked the waitress. I would, said Delfin. Yes, please, said LaShandarella. And if you will, can you please get each of my attendants something, and another drink for this table. My attendants are the guys you see sitting around in the red suits. Ill pay for each of their orders, and Ill make sure you get a big tip. Man Im about due for a break, Aunt Prunella sighed as one of the attendants was pushing her towards the table. She was still in her bag, which was situated on the padded stool. A few minutes later, a gang of waitresses brought out the sparkling fairy cream sodas. Each of the drinks was served with a straw, so Aunt Prunella was able to fit hers through the crack going down her mirror-face. The sodas were each a different color, and on top of the creamy liquid was a cloud of thick, white foam. Delfin explained that the tasty foam was made of fairy silk powder and unicorn milk. And the colored part at the bottom was drained out of rainbows, he said. They pay leprechauns really well to get this stuff. I cant believe this, LaShandarella softly exclaimed. Im sitting here eating rainbows and clouds. And I cant believe Im sitting here with a woman who normally I only see in my dreams. LaShandarella blushed so deeply that she could feel the warmth under her skin. Aunt Prunella snickered. This boy is slicker than a puddle of dragon whiz, she exclaimed. I was wondering, LaShandarella, said Delfin, politely ignoring that last comment, if you and I could . . . maybe . . . I think the boy is trying to ask you out on a date, said Aunt Prunella. Either that or he wants to know if the two of you can exchange dragon pudding recipes. I hate pudding, said Delfin strongly. Then you want to ask her out. Delfins face was so red that it matched the color of his fairy cream soda. Yeah I guess so, he bashfully admitted. Ive never asked a girl out on a date before. Except twice, but those dont count because both times the girl disappeared before she could give me an answer. Man I those shrinking spells. So are you going to ask the girl or what? Aunt Prunella persisted. Oh yeah. Delfin smiled, his dimples sending LaShandarellas heart on a long and endless descent. He looked at her with those piercing, deep-set eyes, and asked her in a deep, whispery voice that squeaked unexpectedly at the end, Would you like to go out with me sometime? Id be really honored. Of course I would, LaShandarella softly exclaimed. You do mean like on a date, dont you? Because if you like, we can count this as our first date. Well if you dont mind, said Delfin, Id like to count this as our second date. I hate doing anything for the first time. Its always scary, you know? Yeah, said LaShandarella. And she actually did understand. Would you like to try some more wondrous treats? Asked Delfin. LaShandarella eagerly accepted. She and Delfin agreed that for every one thing he bought her, she would buy him one thing. They each had a lollipop with colors that swirled as they licked them, and hard candies with built-in edible lights that blinked on and off. They had sugar-sprinkled unicorn cakes fluffy, cookie-like treats shaped like unicorns and enchanted chocolate dragons that blew out a fire-like spray of strawberry soda. They had singing gum drop elves, and edible wands that you could use to wish up one extra treat before you ate it; they had gumballs that grew tastier as they chewed them, and fruit-flavored fairy beans that made their tongues glow-in-the-dark. They also had jewel candies candies that look like real diamonds and sapphires and rubies, and dream candies with flavors that had to be willed telepathetically. Afterwards, LaShandarella had her attendants deliver her packages to the hotel (Aunt Prunella included) so that she and Delfin could take a carriage ride down Sparkle Avenue. There was a traveling circus in town, and the two stopped off to enjoy several rides including the famed Dragon Carousel before leaving to meet Aunt Prunella at The Starbreaker Hotel. From a distance, the Starbreaker Hotel looked like a giant wedding cake with gold and white puff icing. Covering the front grounds were large, colorful,mushroom-like creatures. The carriage, which was being drawn by two unicorns that had a sort of crystally, underwater-blue color about them, pulled in front of the building. Its a really pretty place, said LaShandarella. Looks almost good enough to eat. It good enough to eat, said Delfin. If you like the taste of bricks. What those? LaShandarella asked, curiously. She was talking about the mushroom-y plants. Each one of them had a face large, black eyes, a tiny nose, and a mouth curved by a very large smile. Face plants, said Delfin as he was helping LaShandarella step down from the carriage. Theyre called Face Plants because they have faces, right? Huh? I said, Theyre called Face Plants because they have faces? Right? For a moment, Delfin looked completely lost in the face. And then said, Oh you mean the . Oh no. Those are called Lud-dudders. I thought you were talking about that mans cheeks. I mean they look really . The way I figure it, either he has face implants, or hes holding a couple of fairies inside his cheeks. Do they talk? LaShandarella asked. She was moving in towards the Lud dudders very slowly, all the while wondering how they had ended up with such an awful-sounding name. The fact is, they didnt look awful at all. They actually looked really cute. Like something a girl might keep as a pet. Yeah they talk, said Delfin. Actually they talk much. If I were you Id stay away from them. Not unless you want to end up with a dragon-sized headache. But LaShandarella didnt listen. She had first heard about the Lud-dudders from Three, and had been wondering about them ever since. She had imagined that they would be brown and black and sodden, disgusting creatures that regurgitated slime. But they were nothing like this at all. Instead, they were all the colors of candy and sweets, and they had big, friendly smiles that grabbed you by the heart and pulled you close. Hello, said LaShandarella. You must be Lud-dudders. Ive heard quite a bit about you since Ive been in Praxton. I understand that you all used to be Ootie Fruities? dont remind us, said one of the Lud-dudders. Life is terrible enough as it , having to be stuck in the same place, day after day, year after year. They dropped us in the ground because they thought wed be really pretty for everybody to look at, said another Lud-dudder. But as far as Im concerned, is pretty to look at when youre life is full of things. Well ugliness can be a good thing, said LaShandarella. I mean without ugliness, everything would be beautiful. Which means that nothing would be beautiful at all. But nothing beautiful, screamed a bright yellow Lud-dudder with silvery spheres protruding from the top of its mushroom-like head. Didnt you just hear him say that our life if full of ugly things? But not ugly, said LaShandarella, attempting to comfort the broken Lud-dudders. Yeah, but are, said a pink Lud-dudder with pouty red lips. And so is that weave youre desperately trying to pass off as hair! Hey, this is all my own , LaShandarella exclaimed. I grew this! Right, said a green Lud-dudder with yellow eyes, disbelievingly. Next thing you know, youll be telling us youre still a . Well I , said LaShandarella, her body stinging all over. It was like there were tiny silver pins sticking out everywhere. Honey with that face, said an orange Lud-dudder with big, red spots, if youve never done it, then chances are, you never will. For a moment LaShandarella stood there with her mouth hanging so low to the ground that she swore she tasted dirt. And then, gathering up her dignity and her lips she turned swiftly on her heel and left the Lud-dudders to call angrily after her. There she goes, one of them screamed. Leaving us just like all the others! Youll pay! another one screamed. What goes around comes around! What I tell you, said Delfin. When LaShandarella got back to him, she was grabbing onto her head like it might roll off if she didnt hold on tightly enough. You were right, she told him. Those things give a whole new meaning to the idea that its not okay to be beautiful on the outside if youre ugly on the inside. It was while LaShandarella and Delfin were heading towards the hotel entrance that Threes tiny convertible came into the parking lot. With a long, loud screech, the tiny car pealed into the parking space alongside the carriage. Three! LaShandarella called out to him before taking off towards his car. You came back! Of course I came back, he said as he was emerging from the drivers side. He had on a different outfit, a black velvet suit ensemble with a jacket that boasted a rose-like pattern done in royal blue trimming. I told you I was coming back. You told me youd meet me in the , said LaShandarella. You didnt say anything about meeting me in the parking lot. I ran into some trouble along the way, alright? A baby-dragon that mistook me for a cockroach. Well at least you got away from him, said Delfin. Got away from him? Didnt I just tell you he mistook me for a . That creature thought I was lunch and gobbled me right up. Well at least youre alright, said LaShandarella. Yeah. All I can say is, Thank God for bowel movements. And fortunately for me there was a miniature car wash not too far away. And a miniature clothing store too, I can see, said LaShandarella. Actually, I used one of your wishes to wish up this outfit. Which means I owe you again. And that wish is not the only thing you owe me, said LaShandarella. What do you mean? Three. We need to talk. Oh boy. Youre not going to dump me, are you? No. Im not going to dump you. I dont . Okay. So well talk when we get inside. I could really use something to drink. A fairy soda or something. No, Three. Were not staying here. I wont to go back home. After a long and very tense pause, Delfin said, Ill go inside and get Aunt Prunella. When he was gone, LaShandarella asked Three, You talked me into coming to Iz because you had something you needed to do here. Right? Yes. Yes I did. So you dont really care? About my love life? About my having a . . . chance at romance? Of course I , said Three. LaShandarella there are men all over this city. I just decided itd be really convenient if I could kill two dragons with one spear. You go to Iz and get your man, and I go to Iz and get my size-altering potion. Size-altering? Yeah. You see, genies are supposed to be able to change sizes. But being a defective genie, I only have . This three inches you see here. But this potion mix is going to change everything. I just have to take it on a regular basis. One potion in the morning, one in the afternoon, followed by a sensible meal. What is it about guys and their , said Naomi. And then she sighed, and pretty heavily, too. Guess Ill never know, she said. The only thing is, Naomi was nowhere in sight. At least not until she . Hey Naomi, said LaShandarella. Look here girl. We gotta get going. Prince Char Ming has rescheduled his ball for this weekend. That means we only have three days to get ready. And you know how long it takes you to clip your toe nails. Just then, LaShandarellas seventeen attendants began streaming from the building. Wheres Delfin? Asked LaShandarella. Hes gone, said Aunt Prunella, who was still tucked down in her oblong bag. Said some harpy was there looking for him; that she had tracked him down by his scent. Poor kid just barely escaped through a window. He had something he wanted to give you. Its down at the bottom of my bag. LaShandarella reached inside and pulled out a long, glittering chain that had dangling from it a locket shaped like a unicorn. She opened it, and saw that inside was one of the pictures that she and Delfin had taken at the picture booth. He said hell see you again, said Aunt Prunella. He knows he will. Yeah me too, said LaShandarella, a sweet smile coming over her face. I guess we can be on our way now. That is if we can all fit. I offer to drive, said Three. But Im a little low on space. Several minutes later, they had all packed onto the carriage. Some inside; some on top. And some up front with the driver. Goodness gracious, Naomi complained. Well never get to the ball on time! Not unless we take the short-cut through Trollville, said Three. Only thing is, if we go through Trollville, well all end up as short cuts! Dont worry, the driver called back to them. Ill get you back in time. And we wont have to go through Trollville. And so the carriage began to lift into the sky, where the two winged unicorns began and long and graceful glide across the heavens. Man, imagine being able to fly twice in the same day, said LaShandarella happily. Im still hungry, said Aunt Prunella. And Im still pretty, said Naomi. 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