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Life in the rearview

Never again, she told herself glancing down at the simple gold band encircling her ring finger. Never again will I let him make me cry, She vowed inwardly. She knew hed never shed a tear over her. All the times shed packed up before, hed never even teared up. So many times, shed taken off to her Moms in the middle of the night. By morning, she usually found herself wondering what she was doing, and most times by lunch, she was back at home. She made it without him for a week once, but she always went back. Shed threatened to leave so many times. Most were idle threats, hoping one day hed open his eyes. She didnt figure he was going to take her seriously this time, anymore than any of the others. She knew in the back of his mind he was thinking shed be back. Shed show him. She promised herself this time would be different. This would be the last time shed leave. She quickly grabbed the clothes from her dresser, and the overfull black trash bag groaned in protest as she stuffed them inside. She had to get out before she changed her mind. She glanced to the bed where he sat on the patchwork quilt that had been a wedding gift from his Grandmother. He said not a word as he traced the shapes with a finger like a child. His face told of eons of thought buried beneath the tough exterior, but he didnt seem to want to share a single one. Five years seemed to have come down to a few trash bags, a couple boxes, and one lone suitcase. Shed made up her mind she wasnt leaving with anything more than shed come with. She didnt want anything hed bought her, including the house. She didnt need any reminders of him. She was sure she remember it all too well. He continued to sit quietly, barely making a sound as he twisted his own gold band round and round his finger. He watched it with enchantment as if it somehow made it easier to cope with the situation at hand. Hed never been good at expressing himself with his words, or actions either for that matter. He told her everyday that he loved her, and she never doubted him for a minute, but it broke her heart that he never quite figured out how to show it. She had to admit, hed made her a good living, she never really wanted for much, but all his money never seemed to make up for him not being there. He worked hard and that kept them apart a lot, but that never bothered her. What bothered her was feeling so alone when he was sitting in the same room. Feeling like she had to fight for every second of his attention wore her out. After years of competing with everything and everyone, she was ready to give up the good fight. The tinkle of his wedding band hitting the floor snapped her back to reality. She knew he hadnt dropped it on purpose, but she was curious to see how he was going to react. He seemed to consider it for a minute or so, but ended up remaining motionless. That was all the confirmation she needed that it was just as over for him as it was for her. What had happened to the man shes married five years ago? What had happened to the kind gentle soul shed fell in love with? She wondered if hed transformed in to this cold-hearted bitter pessimist right before her very eyes, or had he fooled her into thinking he was a nice guy in the beginning, and his true nature was finally coming through. Either was shed had all of him she intended to take. He wasnt at all the romantic bring home flowers kind of guy that she remembered marrying. Hed become selfish and angry, and she couldnt for the life of her figure out why. He never wanted to talk unless the topic was money, supper, or bills. Shed tried her hardest to talk to him, but eventually she realized it was a lost cause. The long talks theyd once enjoyed had become a thing of the past. Casual conversation had become such a strain; both partners had given up trying a long time ago. As a child, all she every wanted out of life was to find someone to love her, get married, and have a family. Shed defiantly bombed out on two of the three, and she was suddenly thankful they hadnt brought a child into the picture. His slight movement caught her eye, as he picked up the wooden frame containing the picture of their wedding day. He studied it for a split second, and extended his hand to offer it to her. She shook her head, so he tossed it carelessly onto the bed. Memories of the last five years of their life seemed to be stagnating inside her head. She felt as if her mucky brain had become a quicksand pit, and shed fallen inside. The more she struggled to break free, the deeper she sank into her own mind. Get out while you still can, she told herself. She shook her head as if that would help to clear it, and continue packing. Why did this have to hurt so much? A single salty droplet trickled down her cheek. She turned her face away from him and wiped it at her face with the back of her sleeve. She hoped he hadnt seen her. Damn it, she chastised herself for crying, and Damn Him, she screamed inside. One last glance at her room found him sitting on the foot of the bed resting his elbows in his knees with his eyes cast downward. He never bothered to look up as she latched her suitcase, so she never bothered to say goodbye as she slid off her ring. The tink of the gold hitting the dresser caused him to look up, but she didnt slow down. Not this time. She opened the trunk and tossed her bags inside, before climbing into the drivers seat and lighting a cigarette. Radio cranked and windows down, she took one last look in her rear view at what had once been her happy home. Never again, she said putting her car into drive, Never again.

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One of my many poems


12/5/2009 7:05 AM
you don't like the numbers :D!!! I try not to let those little numbers bother me...but sometimes when I've worked REAL hard on a piece, and then I get a negative vote...well, you get the picture lol!!! :) GREAT work though! You're a CHAMP

12/5/2009 7:04 AM
You know...don't stress about the FAme/Shame button...there's some peeps on here that DON'T recognize GREAT art when it's RIGHT in front of their FACE!!! Well..I brought ya back up to the baseline...you can vote on your own side as well if



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Votes: 6
Views: 2,116
Date: 12/2/09
Other: Writing